I over heard something the other day that was disheartening but not the deliberate act intentionally potentially as it seemed to potentially appear but really was just a bit of frustration and it made me think of my own situation and my wish that in someway I could relate to the person I felt I wanted too!
Folks I don't know what my future holds but from day to day it has been made something that is indescribable to a point and I feel that it should be written not only from my point of view but with my own evidence and the conclusions drawn from that evidence given some serious examination because if I'm correct and I feel I am then my life will be spared and my intent is to make sure I use a portion of that life to inform and teach something that I haven't found in my research and that is plain old boring facts!
Everything in my life for 6 years has been turned inside out and it looks like it so if it has a silver lining , my life that it is I'm waiting for it to be seen or exposed or made available in some glimmer of hope I see at the end of a tunnel!
I'll have my chance to help people like myself do the kind of work they want to do and not something someone else thinks is the best thing for them and I know it can be done with a high degree of success!
The sad part of the story at least for me is that not one attempt has been made to make the medical treatment I have received a success by not one person in my family! Example: My own father was on chemotherapy and this is an example. Not once did I ever intentionally try to prevent him from being given those treatments and I made every attempt to be with him when I could even though at the time I was swamped beyond reason with business even having a contractor unhappy with a request I had made cuss me out for going to see him!
For 6 years I have desperately wanted to get off a miserable once fine over the counter drug that in fact may have due to the misery stretched the time frame further back to closer to eight years! The damn sad part is that I knew it had a benefit and that benefit was almost worth the misery the added medication saddled me with!
Since my attempt to learn and become aware of it's use in the past for Asthma, heart and even ADHD and narcolepsy a condition that causes a person to fall asleep unexpectedly; not once has anyone given me more than a day or two of support if that in my attempts to move from a medication that worked until it couldn't to a medication that works very well and has for me at times only to allow me to have ups and downs that make me feel very strongly now that those assaults are made against me to intentionally make me look like I'm a person with mood swings!
I did not feel this way early on in treatment because I did not know what to expect. The claims by family to the contrary are strictly their word against mine but if evidence is laid out to the contrary which is very likely the evidence they would use against me is null and void of any use to them period!
This is not a war of overwhelming an opponent and seeing them fall to their knees it is one of which course of action produced the best results for the man that is the patient! Period!
Couple those facts as I know them to be with an almost paranoia over what, where and when I'll be back to the point I'm encouraged to work but very much kept in such a disarray and depression that any organized attempt is fruitless! The daily harassment that I hoped would subside and disappear when I moved to Fairhope were intensified simply because I moved into this house quickly to allow my ex-wife to get out of her apartment and into our old home before the costs made it more difficult! It was almost a circus in and around this place while all the while NOT one person in my loving family admitted involvement nor made any attempt to give my claims any and I mean any benefit of the doubt!
In fact there has never been any concerted effort by a once close family to offer the benefit of the doubt and the fact is the whole affair has been one big misguided and destined to fail attempt to prevent me from being successful on the prescription medications. A mistake or two I give credit for one being that my ex-wife prior to having experience with bi-polar medicine mistakenly told my 1st doctor that Adderall made me irritable a false statement and it was easy to be a mistake because at that time I didn't know Lithium makes you irritable to angry as it wears off regardless of dose!
I lost 6 months of my life over that one mistake that I do no hold my ex-wife responsible for in the least.
My once close relationship with my parents is in a shambles because they in fact notice my change in mood on Adderall and avoid me like the plaque because it makes me want to communicate. I'm told it causes me to be depressed but that is also false!
The awareness gets you off the couch after weeks and you realize the length of time you have had no success is getting longer and the time you may have to correct what has gone awry has shortened leaving you with a realistic but positive attitude although each month for 6 years regardless of the medicine you are increasingly harassed even before you get the prescription home in verbal attacks!
Some of those verbal attacks were used in a situation that was unnecessary and almost resulted in my injury and death on I believe four occasions!
The plan of attack in each case regardless of medication was to attack me personally alone at home with no way of defending myself to the point I would have almost let the bastards kill me to have hope they were charged with some crime! I have no remorse for those feeling and never will! The whole damn thing was a ridiculous cluster mess from the second doctor forward particularly because of his insistence on a once a day pill that even my 1st doctor did not adhere too he himself ADHD very much so in fact. He talked of the reading pleasure one patient gained that after years he had never realized he had missed or not to that degree.
Depression comes in a two pronged wave and never leaves with antidepressants only making matters worse in higher doses. The sedative effect tortures my mind! I sleep and it is thought I enjoy it! I detest it but how do you go to sleep when you are harassed for having a prescription.
I knew my second doctor was in fact wrong in my case because of all the factors involved. Age, previous medication, having two doctors prior one with WEB MD write me to let me know a higher dose was fine in a certain percentage of his patients!
I once had stay in a hospital for two weeks being fully cleared by not only the testing but my own insurance Company! They refused to pay the bill and it was pure determination as I coped with severe depression upon being in that room but I made sure my insurance Company was involved!
I lost almost a year or maybe more with that previous doctor! Dr. Mace recommended a higher dose but was turned down flatly and I even allowed the doctor to try me on other meds worse than anything else I have taken. Dr. Mace once joked a professor had told him a little ritalin would do all Americans a little good in memory recall. I had no idea at the time depression was making that worse.
One he suggested I took out of frustration a second time and it caused a trip to the hospital and I would never recommend it to anyone! No one I know can take it!
Dr. Mace was a favorite psychologist because he laid out a strategic plan and made it ADHD simple but precise! His boss would rather not treat you at all. He once told my father just that line. No names though.
My insurance did not cover his fee and I had to change along with the other doctor being the worst doctor I've ever had treat me for anything!
Friends there is no study I have seen that claims a stimulant causes longer than a two-week effect and in most cases it lasts the so-called withdrawals much less than that of an anti-depressant, two or three days! The two or three days would be a piece of cake if not for the continued but subdued harassment and the slow decay in your will to fight although you do because you are able to sit and read or watch a movie or just pay attention! Really pay attention not just notice your wife once or your children once or finish a meal and think I'm on the last bite and I just realized that I had dinner!
I feel like a broken record sometimes especially if I'm not laying out any specific details that are relevant but the bottom line and again I in No way want our children to think it is okay to self-medicate because I wish I hadn't had too myself and with the exposure now provided in our schools by institutions of medicine like the Mobile Infirmary such mistakes such as the one I have endured will be harder to see repeated. It life was not all that bad for twelve years and one hell of lot better than it has been for 6 years with some people that at times have acted more like the mob people in business to help.
No credit needed or not for accomplishments and harsh treatment or deceitful acts of kindness only to reverse course say at bed time getting your adrenaline up and making it impossible to sleep one way or another. The rest ofthe month you sleep 12 to 18 hours a day on purpose losing whole seasons!
I was separated from my wife for so long that days went by that I was attacked continuously losing all track of time knowing she slowly lost interest in me and who could blame her? A 24 year marriage!
Was it lost prior to this implementation I'll never know!
Years lost with my children because I was not the kind of parent you would want around your child being medicated while at least at times after talking to my oldest son's teachers and counselor I feel his high school years may not have been to their fullest but I'm kept in the dark on the subject! My daughter poor thing caught in the middle of something that was waged against our home not just yours truly! In fact my reputation is not what it once was but most of that is hyped crap I love people, women and children but I might be hard to whip in front of them or slip off to handle the harassment by myself.
Insanity? I wish. No insanity is incurable harassment is!
I'm made to feel fault at our not being together but who would bring in a family member after this much time knowing the treatment I receive would only make his stay less than acceptable!
I already carry a burden for not allowing or supporting my 1st wife in her attempts to medicate my oldest son who was and is ADHD! I can watch him and he is classic ADHD!
I've taken more medication than I wanted or needed to satisfy the verbal attacks that have decimated my life and are so awful as I said prior!
I have medication monthly missing from the log I keep but do to the pressure to take an extra one put on you and your own fighting spirit you then feel like to show those logs may do more harm than good in an already desperate battle!
Once depression becomes part of ADHD it is even documented I later read on the Social Security web site enhances your already slower than normal responses to stimuli but your body if an ADHDer has the energy that frustrates you because now you are no young person you are a person fighting for freedom and time to heal!
So you used something somewhere that was not to someone's standard does that indicate a life sentence because being on disability for life when able to work is a life sentence! I want a person that needs that money more to have it!
I was so dumb I believed I had destroyed my own life until I read the history books! I wasn't on Heroin or some mismade street drug for all those years I was on a herbal supplement that at one time you purchased in the health food store!
Read the FDA reports! Did the government act to quickly in removing it or mandating the dilution?
I'll let it sink in on you now what I'm talking about and wish you well because no one should experience an open ended rehab from a beneficial medication!
Sincerely,
Floyd C. Wooley
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