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Friends,
I made a decision Today that was if any more embarrassing it would be to much to handle and I'd have to crawl in a hole somewhere. Today's decision makes one look like an idiot to some but surely somewhere there is someone that would understand.
Friends I turned down a job to work the A.M. shift at Wal-mart and it had everything to do with my concern that I might not meet the schedule at sometime during the month and get fired- period! Except?
There is an issue that plaques me that is probably handled be some with no problem but to others it is a damn problem and it leads to a little more depression and makes you look like a drug addict because of a real reason and here the embarassing situation is for the whole world to read so it may help someone and hurt me but who cares because I don't!
Adderall XR helps improve your mood, your ability to not be pounded on relentlessly by anyone or anything, by resisting in a peaceful manner and it also put us in the mood which I've been having trouble with when under stress since I was 18 or so at one time or another.
To my discredit although I've spoken with my doctor about it on more than one occassion I have not addressed it a second time with another doctor because of finances which with some dad-gum money I might not have this issue so the drug addict feeling I have dealt with myself and from many directions in my family relations has a fifty-fifty shot of being something else and I was tested three years in a row for the problem I suspected by the nature of the symptoms & depressed feelings after seeing an article on Web MD, but I was told off by a few people and I gave up on having the problem explored further. That was some sign to me as well because although not very successful to this point in my life I have managed to stay with a subject to some conclusion that wasn't six years in length and still nagging me down enough to screw my plans up.
Now my dark little secret is out that I wind up short on my medication each month for two unfortunate reasons again let me recap. One problem in the past several years has been to have one possible romantic day a month and lately since the divorce only one time in a year and the rest of the time just to have that once a month feeling of usefulness if I was in a relationship to begin with again along with the drag of depression in any event the whole month has made my life look and feel worse than it is! Training with a little possible pleasure and maybe a lift but the interruptions that I wish were fantasy have made things worse.
It has been talked about til I'm blue in the face with some being supportive and others not understanding why it is a problem well depression makes it a dang big problem! The last thing I want is more of those drugs because they make you feel like your anchored and I already have that. Do you? Has anyone experienced these situations in life and if so a forum on this site would be nice.
I may be to normal levels in the area I wasn't quite up to par three years in a row from the test results if you went by the Cleveland Clinic charts and not the Mayo Clinic's that a lot of our testing comes through or is based on nor The Endoctrine Society's Clinical Guidelines I down loaded to my computer in 1997 or so but was written in 1996.
I'll try to post it for you men out there. I did take my physciatrist's advice a couple of years ago prior to my being on disabiltiy but the cost of the one visit made it difficult to go back. I wasn't as settled on my Adderall and when the doctor initially blew me off I felt like I was being being brushed aside but he did notice before I left the office my disatisfaction when I picked up the test results and came out of his office and specifically told me he had some things that may help but I didn't go back and it was due to money and that is all not his demeaner.
I may be insane but I was looking for a long time for some reason for my continous depression that had never been a problem for more than whatever lenght of time I was under the most stress in my life. I don't know about others but I do know how I feel and Adderall helps several issues but you can screw yourself up trying to have one day a month you might feel like you could make someone else or yourself happy So I decided to not let it shame me because i wouldn't be ashamed to talk about it if I were a doctor!
I know I was 18 or 19 because I had pain in the area from working I suppose and at the same time I was newly married and under a little stress not as much as my father because we worked together as a team and he was almost killed in an industrial accident and suffered much more than I could from my little problem in comparison but my wife sure let me know it was an issue to her and I don't blame her! I won't go into the night she called me a name becuase of it because she didn't mean it and I certainlty am not that person so the bottom line is little things left unattended will devastate your life sooner or later if you don't address them. Those things can be just enough hear and there so don't let them pile up on you because it gets harder to sort and dig out!
I have no idea what wrath I may bring upon myself by those that don't beleive in medicating a damn thing but I really don't care because I know I should be stable on these medications I'm on under normal circumstances and if I have days where I let people directly or indirectly harass me over something I haven't wanted to discuss too much because of it's tendency to make us feel smaller in stature than we are then hell they don't know what to harass me over in the first place! Heck I've got my own list and it is pretty easy to work on when on Adderall XR but when you let your own attempts to solve an issue that is out from where you want to actually explain to anyone again then it gets pushed to the side. LOL! The root issue not the surface one that is easy to see and blame as the problem. That is easy to determine. It's what is really screwing me and anyone else up that matters the unseen the thing if we have a list to cover, the thing or issue that makes that list a bear! So let's talk about the one nagging issue and it may be for others I guess it could be because it has been much more news worthy in th last few years! That urge to get romantic, to make someone feel special and on a regular basis not once a month and by all our might and efforts to go through the motions that makes people feel like they aren't worth the time! You know it and it takes over a part of your life Hell I know I feel like I'm letting someone down in fact to the point I almost quit trying because it got to the point I looked like I was going through the motions and in our marriage I felt it was a problem and it was!
The lift from romance lasts longer than you may realize and that is something I have taken a life time to realize. I think the loss of affection in our marriage destroyed our lives and the fact we may have mentioned a desire to be close and the resulting effort to make us stand on our own finished it off hopefully to her betterment.
I'm still not someone I would hire because no matter how long off or how low the dose in fact I can without a doubt be dependable about three weeks out of the month and I have every reason to feel that I wouldn't hire myself and that is what I have done most of my life and that is be involved in the decision if not Soley responsible for hiring people to be on a team!
I could go to drug rehab but I've re-habed my own self from OTC's that actually I have discovered were more hepful than harmful so all my guilt was unfounded. Early in life from much worse the only difference was that it didn't take a Rocket scientist to see those errors pretty quickly as non-beneficial and what could they possible say in a lifetime I couldn't say to myself in a re-hab center anyway?
The experience of motivating people even when I was slightly down just not so down I feel like I'm missing some part or chemical needed to be productive and happy that my body was at one time for three years low on at least by the Cleveland Clinic and The Endocrine Society's guidelines a hormone that mimicked the same depression issues at least that is how it is listed and said!! So why not!
I must be better because I used to be so drugged up on other medications I thought it was the pharmaceutical company's guidelines I had saved!
I'm still not satisfied because I asked my doctor the other day "Doc how do you think I'm doing on this Cymbalta"?
Their are people in this world that just have no idea what they are talking about and that my friends is something that makes you want to throw your hands up and get as far away from them as possible so their ignorance doesn't rub off on you so read and take what I say with a grain of salt or find some help in it. But ask how you appear once in a while and let the ones you haven't asked have it roll off your back when you can.
If not then well we both have a problem because self-help with a little more help if not a lot from your doctor is about all we have! When you get down and to the point you lay there and do not get up and stay on track you are surely lost!
Let me try to stay positive as I am normally for only a short time in the mornings before that fades away and it is when I'm not on these medications so they help there just may be a small piece of the puzzle missing! As for making a living some people wind up under a bridge and I've met a few of those people and it isn't always because they are born losers or drug addicts, etc. so I'm lucky but still not where I need to be because I have always gotten up in the morning but since my move here through no fault of the neighbors I'm finding it harder to do and that cause is the one that I can't do much about til I can and it would be as it always has peaceful unless physically assaulted and that is the truth which I for some reason harp on too much.
This life is complicated and unless you experience something and can share it you don't know much about another person. Some people I guess pump themselves up on someone else trying to explain a complicated situation in a few words written as the issues we face are in our face starring us down. Hell I don't know why we don't remember the things in order but I don't and to have to muster the strength to work one out every so often!
Sincerely,
Floyd C. Wooley
Take care and peace, love and knowledge!
Sincerely,
Floyd C. Wooley
Following are the 32 pages that are included in the Endoctrine Society Guidelines as published in 2006.
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