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Friends and readers,
Life can get you down sometimes. You can get yourself down sometimes. You can also try your hardest to keep yourself from letting all that have an effect on your life.
Let's don't forget about God and I learned something yesterday you'd have to read for yourself that kinda put life in a different perspective and that is don't ever and from my personal way of looking at it, don't ever let yourself or anyone get you so low that you doubt your faith!
Faith will not cure ADHD, ADD, or well it helps with depression but can it actually cure it? Prayer helps very much with depression if you can get away from the hustle and bustle of this world even if it's in a closet. I mean it- you need a peace and quiet at least in my life it has meant the difference in a good day or a bad day to say the least and you feel the relief and as for what, who or where somebody is deserving of such an opportunity well to keep my own moderate beleifs out of it I just wont comment but I'd remiss not to mention the well-being such a thing can be- I felt that same feeling for the first time when I accepted Jesus as my savior back in 96' or so and I know some might question the fact I had self-medicated for a while on Ephedrine and all that but I don't let it get to me because the experience and those feelings of closeness or relief since that time have meant a lot to me and it must you too but be careful because as I've said before and this is a personal feeling and beleif that comes from a lot of places but as someone said as I was clicking channels the other night it's easy to beleive in God but to feel his prescense in your life is a different matter.
You can debate good vs evil all day and sin vs not-sinning or even right vs wrong but read the Bible and not someone's opinion for yourself and let it come down to love vs hate and well that's my opinion.
One last thing on the subject- Don't beat yourself up for getting down and realizing you forgot to pray because who couldn't from time to time just try not to forget too long.
I have something to say in another blog about this whole business of what comes first the chicken or the egg, medicine vs therapy which I think well it should be obvious but we can discuss it later.
I don't know but I do know the last thing you want to do is lose faith in God while battling other people's perception of you who you should be or what you should say to the point you express a weakness or your doubts out loud!
I am sorry to say I had gone too long in reading something else and let my mouth get the best of me about something Jesus experienced as well and if you want to know what that regret is ask me sometime.
I might question the details of how God may organize this or have this planned or whatever and my own beleif in free-will being part of our learning process in this life well I read yesterday in I forget the book and chapter but it is mentioned that God is ruler of worlds. Ask me my feelings on that or just read it yourself. Ask me where that is located and I'll let you know so you can read it as well.
I feel guilt for expressing openly a low point a few months ago when I had everyone but God on me trying to make me change my mind or actions or just to make my actions seem foolish to me when in fact I was responding to someone else s action in the first place! You know what my reaction was? Sadness. Sadness that after all I have said that anyone would question my being truthful. I may not be perfect and I might tell you a lie that is seemingly at the time unimportant but when it comes to something as important as God, salvation, what I have read, experienced, felt and how I feel people make something a "sin" based on someone Else's definition or how they took a word that if looked at in a dictionary and if only had considered it's use in context to what the point was to begin with they would even if hardened to feel it right or wrong may to themselves question themselves one way or another well you have to read things yourself to know what I mean and if you are reading this you most likely understand what I'm talking about.
Several days ago I was in that same place and that place was low, very low, in fact so low I wished aloud that I was in fact bi-polar which if true would mean I had found comfort on one of those to an ADHD or ADD person miserable drugs and was wrong in my contention that I am not and this blog would be written in that state of mind but that is simply not true! The truth is if not for the pressure put on me to in one example: STOP BlOGGING or to adhere to being passive in my drugged feeling unable to function to this extent then I would do so.
As you see I'm not passive at least not all the time and through research and a desire to be able to work using my mind and body knowing that temporary anger over a life event was not being bi-polar but the signs of stress, frustration and of all things my own stupid request to a previous doctor for a mood stabilizer to handle just such actions I've spoken of in my writings for several years well that compounded my problems to say the least. I had to learn what a mood stabilizer would do to me more than once and with the pressure I've faced you would understand that happening to anyone maybe even yourself.
I credit my current doctor and I want to mention her name but I don't have her permission although maybe I have in the past because she has worked with me long enough to know the truth and thank God she has been open to give me a chance.
I have to admit I still have a hard time opening up to her about what I'm writing here on this blog. Why? God if you have read my blogs you would understand although it is unfair not to let her know just what I have had to endure although it isn't as bad as it could have been if I had just given up and let some people that I just have gotten tired of mentioning and hope in some cases honestly I've been wrong in some of their cases anyway! Who wouldn't?
Friends it's been a while since I have had anything positive happen in my life and I'm sure we have all been there at one time or another so please don't misread what I'm saying? It hasn't been anything but ignorance on my part and misinformation I hope on anyone trying to be of help in this fight to get over depression with an ADHD past so obvious in the first place. Some just don't believe or believe in the wrong things and I hope I can help people understand that to help is fine but to be over bearing is not! Yeah that is the truth. Maybe worse but what would you do? I wouldn't do anything much different except believe anyone would be less determined than I to prove their point in some peaceful way and peaceful I mistook as exactly that.
Your family should never and I mean your wife and children should never be put in a situation where they are used to make a situation work and you not have knowledge of that action. My children were and if I had known what I was doing I would have asked them or as I eventually had to do was leave my home which after going through the Hell of being done as I was well I wouldn't want to go back there nor did they when I left and they moved home. complicated? Yeah to say the least. My wife warned me as did my kids that as one bible verse my wife read me one morning states "the enemy is all around us"! She isn't my wife and I don't see us being together but how could you hate someone nor could I hate my children for letting me know in their own way- you know what instinct is or what's the word? Well if you hunt or fish or have ever been in a situation that you knew you had been nudged to for lack of a better word to see as not from anyone but hired guns or whatever you know what I mean. It is amazing how you are made to feel like your crazy for having a gut instinct and not to follow it because you are on a prescription or otherwise yeah how about testing you on an over the counter drug you took for years that your own wife showed you home movies that showed you living life happily only to have some misguided individuals try to make out like that was the problem in a sad situation that I can't discuss but failed their test because I was overwhelmed by the actions that led to something I regret I did but hold those people responsible for making possible.
Insanity? You bet and anyone that would put you in a situation that you had never faced in your own home when I could see in my wife's eye's her disgust that someone had instructed her to carry out the deed and she did anyway but stayed just far enough away for me to see her eye's and after 24 years a man knows when his wife is doing something to her husband she did not want to do!
My wonderful lawyer has a copy of my statement that never was even used and it wasn't to indict my family as much as to indict the group that even pledged to me they wouldn't use such tactics prior to her moving home for Christmas a couple of years ago! Well I was pounded in my own house then and led down a path that anyone would know was wrong- now. I stayed on the couch or anywhere my family couldn't here what I had to hear in fact it wasn't bad til Mardi-gras. That was even workable but for some reason one good parade for my wife and I led to slaughter over the next three days and I was the one slaughtered. Yes she didn't like doing it to her husband and those home movies a while later were my salvation. Like I said you never know when something is going to save your spirit, soul, life or whatever. I didn't miss that pecan tree in September 2004 to be silent!
Maybe now those same folks feel different so no more names if they will do the same and back off before they complete a terrible deed.
Like I said if they have any sense of decency they will do just that and back off and I certainly will be to my word but we shall see!
What I want you to know is never give up completely on what you beleive in and as for our Lord, God his father and a whole host of other interesting people I hope most if not all of us get to know one day in some other life; God will come through with the right people in your life at the right time for the right purpose to help you get through this one!
I called myself a loser. Well it is easy to feel that way sometimes but don't forget somewhere somehow maybe you have touched somebody's life in a positive way and if you have done that one thing maybe a stretch of bad luck isn't going to last the rest of your life and like I said someone will be there to help you make it happen. Anything good or bad is possible in this world we all know I just never thought such a thing would happen in my life without some input or conversation between myself and those opposed to me because 6 years of your life is a lot to lose in all of our cases- years that you can't get back and taken for all the wrong reasons!
I just hope I'm on that stretch of good luck and have some love, peace and comfort in my life in the end as I do for everyone else especially (yes I'm partial to some folks) a few and I'll leave it at that but I do wish everyone well.
Now that said I want to so badly write about some happiness or some ways to improve your life or just what has made life exciting for me in the past that in the future can be used to keep the same thing from happening to anyone else.
I'm not that intelligent nor am I all that much of a writer but I sure like telling a story here and there. I just have learned to be a little more precise without being so precise as to not give anyone else time to rethink their position in fact if they would just watch a Claritin commercial they would be much more informed and much less likely to attack. Focus and concentration and all the ADHD/ADD information is not some joke or I would be just another statistic that could have included death if it were possible to do what we all were told as children could not be done.
Remember the saying? Stick and Stones may break my bones but words can't hurt me or something like that well words that you cannot defend against in your own home and vehicle using a simple intercom that even the police are misled into not helping you defend causes anyone to question everything in life and anger oh that just makes you more vulnerable and the time to say what is true without fear a little longer to make possible!
The government can sure add to your misery or a company changing their over the counter medication without giving a reason and your time in researching what the medication was used for years ago, became and is now hasn't helped along with some unscrupulous people playing a game they had no idea they were wrong in playing to begin with. Not this Government and I'm not going to blame the Clinton Administration either because I'd have to finish reading the FDA reports!
Thank God we are a democracy and hopefully things will equal out and that is all I can think to finish up with. It sure was nice years ago to arrive alive and not be asleep at the wheel that's for sure but add enough "cough syrup" to your package of ephedrine and who knows what might happen and as for Asthma it probably worked for that too a lot better than No Doze!
We all have good enough sense to know we need that and if not well I doubt you'd run over anyone awake and if you really are bi-polar God help you. Well that is a serious diagnosis not to be taken lightly for any reason! Manic-depressive was considered an awful thing when I was kid and it wasn't even the most likely dignosis for that person either. No names!
By the way have a five hour shot to get home for God's sake! Maybe a Rock-Star but be careful somebody might think you are dangerous! If you feel you have been tested you most likely have! to hell with thinking your paranoid it's those folks testing you that are nuts so let them ride on by or toot their horns! Literally.
Yall there were damn Roman horns blown in my neighborhood one afternoon God I could tell you going back years but never one problem from me until they got in my face and it wasn't my kids or my wife's doing! So help me God!
Have a good day!
Love, Peace and knowledge for now!
Floyd C. Wooley
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